Love Disease.
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midnight thoughts
Tuesday, July 28, 2015 | Tuesday, July 28, 2015 | 0 comments

she was first told to behave like she never hurt. she listened to every words that she'd been told before she realized she was bleeding herself with her own thorny fingers. as she always believed there was an angle hidden in the lucifer blood which you can't stop portraying, she was grown dumb. although some passengers would whispered her to stop scratching the dead soul yet she continuously did. she had missed. she had forced to miss and she just still missed.
her mind would keep playing abstract-- to handle such a physically-impressed-look yet craving for the purest black-soul-cure. it surprisingly knocked your nerve down. she owned everything that every girl would die for. unfortunately, she let go to pick up stupidity over kindness. she didn't know the reason. she'd rather done it just to satisfy the demand of the blackest heart. not to forget, she might also better than you in faking every sight so you couldn't tell the truth after all. now, kindly name her--

she was once told shamefully,

"you are pretty girl. only if you own your dignity."

right after the speaker had been experimenting on her naked torso. what could be worse than these words for a girl whose price had been completely taken away by a fucking slut? you tell me :)

if she did count how frequent she was deceived by the idiot, she never had time to forgive herself. the wounds are deep. to simply let a nasty dick swipe out her purity, yet giving him a chance to live on her bed of roses. the person who humiliated her in front of the world, yet still the same person whom she loved to the deepest heart core. the one whom she gave her all yet the same bastard who only fucked her off.
but how could she hate her own weaknesses when all she got was only pieces of herself? who did she had when everybody chose to leave? where did she should go as she never even had a place to be called home? what did she do best at the moment she was totally broken unless cutting her bare hand? when did she got the time to heal herself as she only knew to heal everyone else? why did she keep breaking herself into tiny little bits just to pick them up again?
she'd been through a lot of bullshits you can't even name. she got hurt and scarred thousands times in running away from her dark side. just to paint it darker. she trusted. she loved. she gave. she lost. and the top of all, she hurt. did i mention that she cried herself every night to sleep? and wake up every morning with suicidal believe? how bitter did she feel to chew up every tears that were gonna fall in front of the people? and yet her weaknesses still being your laughter.
she also tried everything she could to lend you the pieces left in her just to ensure you were fine after being dumped by the similar loser spouses. she would listen to your stories as making it her lullabies if that would make you feel better. she wanted to. she wished to be your best. she was there to lift you up. but you got somebody else to wipe your tears. you'd rather be away and yes, she didn't have any other distractions for herself so she was back to the gloomy memories of herself.

dear humans, we may not realize. some people are there to listen and help. but we choose not to see them. we take everything for granted. just to remind, the little things in life are not that little. we never know when do miracle come to say hello and leave us with unforgettable splashing memories. i once agreed w someone-- don't ever assume. it may be killing us or it turns out to be something bigger. poor said, we are humans. we are born to expect and hope. specifically, for unreal things?